Parents: Is it possible to have kids and a life?
Can you have kids and a life? Some of my friends who have babies can’t part with them for even an hour. They never get out anymore or even exercise. (I’m not talking about bar-hopping; I’m talking about meeting for coffee or going for a walk.)
Could I have kids and still go to yoga class and run my business, or would I have to choose? Does having children doom you a life of talking about sippy cups and potty-training full-time, or is there a way to maintain an identity apart from “Mom”? Or maybe there really is no joy greater than diaper rash and teething, and I just can’t see it?
Also, it seems like babies = fights with spouse. True?
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kids = HELL
I have a life with my daughter. I bowl in a league, play volleyball in the summer, meet my friends for shopping or drinks. I was a single mother for 3 years and now for the last 3 years my wonderful finance has stepped in to assist me. We both have lives-together and apart-it keeps us sane and strong as a family.
Babies do cause a lot of stress, but that is why you need to get out and do your own thing. However once you have a baby there really is no greater joy. You’ll see.
That’s really sad. The last thing you said. Whoever tells you that’s how it is, isn’t a good roll model. Well, I can honestly say this, “Is there life without kids?” I had my first child at 16 and that’s when the fun began. Parks, playgrounds, swimming pools, spit up, naps, unconditional love…. I go out plenty. Me and my husband will switch off on some nights, or the grandparents or other family members will watch the kids for a few hours (or overnight) and let us have some alone time by ourselves or with friends. Kids don’t take away your life…. they show you how to enjoy it!
To maintain a happy family and a good life with your children you need to have a balance. I have a child and I still enjoy my life and him too.
I thought the same thing at first. It will be hard at first. If your friends are supportive of you… they will find ways to get you to that coffee date. There really is no greater joy than children… everything though has a way of working themselves out.
Oh wow how wrong you have it. the reason they find it hard to get away is because that baby is their life. They don’t need another life cause there is no life greater than the one they have. Yes you can still be a person and have a child. It’s all about balance and it took me a while to be able to get out again. It’s the fear of leaving and missing a huge milestone or something. And talking about potty training and teething is some of the best conversation a mother can have. You have to understand that is a joyful and extremely proud moment in that moms life. While you might get a raise that your proud of and share it with your friends, that mom just saw her child grow their first set of teeth and she wants to share that proud moment. It’s all the same just different things. Someday if you ever have a child you’ll understand. Plus babies don’t = fighting. If anything they bring two people closer together. to share something you both made is an amazing thing. Don’t think badly of your friends but realize that someday you’ll be gushing about the same things and secretly hope that the coffee hurries up so you can run back home to your kids.
It is possible to have kids and a life if both parents are involved. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but if you take your time and raise your children to be respectful and understandable then you can enjoy some moments to yourself even if it’s only a hour.
I think so but it is difficult. I think you really have to use your resources well. I joined my local YMCA and it is 67 dollars per month for a family membership. I get nine hours a week of childcare (two hours per day max) while I work out then shower in peace. They take kids six weeks to ten years old in the nursery. I work from home as a transportation broker while my child naps and talk on the cell phone a lot. As for having a life. Recruit family. Free babysitting. Also look into starting a playgroup (meetup.com) or a babysitting co-op.
yes you can have a life besides being MOM, depending on reasons you may not be able to get go get coffee sans kids all the time, but you can generaly get out. If its a new baby you have to give them time to adjust and relax a lot of first time parents are extra precautious with the baby.
About the baby talk, some times they just need a gentle reminder about when they’ve talked to much about baby. But do give them a few minutes to tell you all the new accomplishments that the baby has done. No matter how much you want to roll your eyes, you’ll understand the amazement when you have your own.
Fights with spouse are not equal to babies, me and hubby had lots of fights before the babies. And i would say out of our current spats 1 out of the ten involves the kids (issues about them).
I found that I have to make an effort sometimes to have a life other than my kids. I do not work outside the home so I rarely am out with out my kids. My husband does not really understand that I need a break and he wants to do things as a whole family. The first year or so of your babies life it is very hard to have a life. You are so tired and everything seems to drain you but it can be done. I have a two year old and a 4 months old yet I still get out at least once a week with friends.
ABSOLUTELY!!!! It is really sad when parents commit their entire lives to their children and forget about themselves or their spouses. I have two small children (both under 4) and I still enjoy hanging out with my girls. Granted I also have a wonderful husband who knows the importance of me time! I have been on cruises and out of state vacations and have had spa days and girls’ night out and much, much more. I really enjoy spending time with my babies but as a stay-at-home mom, I’d go crazy if they were my only friends! Side note: My mother in law sacrificed her life for the sake of her children and that can grow into a rather unhealthy relationship as the kids get older and try to branch off on their own. And about fighting with spouse, our children have not caused any arguments or fights. I guess the stress and lack of alone time can be taxing but that is why it’s so important to find a good sitter and go out! And one more thing, don’t neglect tha fact that dads need some time to themselves also. Let him go a play a round of golf and as soon as he gets home, grab your keys and hit the nail shop! Both of you will feel relaxed and rested at the end of the evening and after you put the kids to bed, you can start working on another one!
My wife and I have been married for nearly 34 years, we have three kids (ages 31 to 26) and two grandkids. During our married life my wife and I have owned and operated several different business; I have gotten two college degrees and spent 12 years teaching at a community college; and currently own and operate a private USCG approve licensing school. Yes, you can have a life and kids. For maximum success I suggest having the kids with a life-partner, then the two of you can share the workload; in short it is called a family.
Of course you can have a life, except maybe when you have a very young baby and are too sleepy all day. You have to think of yourself as still having one. You can take your kids out to a restaurant and have a few beers here and then, just not after bedtime – or just get a sitter. The difference is that you have to plan ahead for things that before you could just do spontaneously.
Once you have kids, they BECOME your life. You have not known unconditional love until you have your own children. They are what you think of all the time, what you brag about and ask questions about. Your life revolves around them but if you have great people in your life who will watch your kids once in a while, then you can have time without them which is good for you. Some people, like myself, have a very hard time trusting others to watch their kids so they can go out. That is something that has to be worked on. Once I had my first child I did not want to leave them for anything. I could not stand to be apart. They are my world !! Once you have your first kid you will see the “Joy” in diaper rash and teething . lol There are great mile stones evey baby has that you just can’t wait to tell the world!! And there are soooo many things that you will go through that you just have to talk about to see if you are the only one or if others has these issues also. And on the spouse fighting thing…Not always true but sometimes it is. I feel that when I had my first baby, I grew up but my hubby did not. It did lead to arguments andme getting mad because he didn’t want to help out like he should have but it got better in time and now we have 3 great kids and he is sure learning to be a much better Dad! Being a parent is the greatest joy anyone can have and you will find out once you get the most precious gift you will ever get in your life!!! Good Luck!!
Children are the greatest blessing that God gives to us. I will be honest with you, it is not always a party but everyday almost always gets better. You just have to evaluate your time and plan time for you and the things you find important will eventually get done. Yes, you talk about everything from sippy cups to how little Johnny went on the potty the other day but it is so wonderful. You’ll find many mothers out there looking for the same thing as you-that is why they have Mommy and Me and other classes like that. Find a friend who would like to go for walks with you-even if they do not have a child they will enjoy the walk and you will enjoy the adult conversation!! Believe me you will find that children are a wonderful gift from God.
Babies do cause some stressful times and arguments do happen between husband and wife, but arguments happen even without there being children. My DH and I have had a few “discussions” and that was before we had our child. So in all honest anything and everything can cause arguments. This is what being married is all about-and it does help you mature and grow.
I hope this helped and that it encourages you. Children are wonderful but not every person should have one. It depends on what you and your husband decides. Talk to your DH see what he thinks.
God Luck!!
There is a greater fear than ever now for parents, newbies or not to find a safe place to leave their kids so they can go out without the kids.
Mom’s that can afford Nannies usually find themselves back to work earlier and leaving baby sooner. Different strokes for different folks.
As far as the fighting…it’s not the kids that cause the fighting, usually one or both of the parents are immature and don’t want to grow up and are being forced into a role of unwanted responsibility.
Before the babies came into our lives, my partner and I agreed the kids would always come first. And they really did. Our marriage didn’t last, but we can always find neutral and mutual ground when it comes to the kids.
Decide what you want out of life…if it really includes having a child it might help you to plan ahead. But make sure you leave room for the unexpected and room for a lot of flexibiltiy.
Yes! You can have a life. Those who chose to sit home and do nothing but stare at there kids do so because thats what they want .. It depends on what type of person u are!
You can still do all the things u used to , I mean thats what daycare is for..lol…
and as far as fighting with spouse I believe it does add some pressure to the relationship and personal time. But I dont see it as turning it into hell either. I think it brings your closer to that person.
It is possible to be a great parent and also have a life.
I was a single mum and had no choice but to take my child with me on occasion. At other times I was grateful to leave him with grandparents, aunts and uncles to have some MY time and they were also happy to be able to spend time with him.
Most gyms have creches and day care have great learning programmes.
If your child has a routine then your life is easy!
Your friends really need help! It is just as important for the parent to have adult time away from the child as it is for the child to have time away from the parent.
You can find a balance!
Well thats only my opinion anyway!
Yes – you definately can. It is all about learning to balance.
Babies don’t = fight.
Babies change the dynamics of the relationship and it is important to talk about that going in.
When kids come, you have a new identity. You become; “Johns mom” or ‘teresa’s mom’ because that is how people identify you.
“Compulsory procreation” is a social construct, which humans have come up with by themselves. Couples can choose Not to reproduce- surely, they have that basic human right? I abhor it when conformists with kids respond to us as though we are committing some BIG crime. Excuse me! I am not hurting anyone with my decision what?! Sometimes, education does’nt really help a mind think!! I like to think that deep down, they wanna be like us but just that they don’t dare to be different and are slaves to social conventions! Ask them to kill their nasty brats and getta life! ::) ::)
I can only go by personal experience here, my married female friends who have children, well, all they ever talk about is their children. They talk about little else because they have little time for their own interests. In short, their lives revolve around their children. They’re not going to have leisure time to go out by themselves or with their husbands (I’ve been on the envied end more than once in my life even though I’m married, we have no children and planned it that way) and have little time for any real bonding with their spouses except for maybe the bedroom, heh heh.
As for no joy greater than diaper rash and teething, well, those are the realities of child rearing. Let’s face it even though a tiny minority of the American population has managed to romanticize babies and childbearing to the hilt, the truth is, there is no romance in caring for a baby at all.
All of my friends who have kids b*tch about it being hard work (they should have thought about it before getting pregnant) then there’s this other neat little piece of propaganda running around that babies are a gift from God – but it’s just just another form of romanticizing babies.
As for the babies = fights with spouse, again, I go by what my friends who have kids experience. Children unfortunately can create a divide between the parents: time that should be spent with the spouse, winds up getting spent on the infant.
Then one wonders why the husband seeks attention and affection elsewhere.
Yup that’ll create fights in the marriage. lol
Hope that helps.
if you can share you have a life!